today i was looking through an old journal, trying to find my tortilla recipe because i’ve decided i want homemade tortillas with lunch, and instead of my tortilla recipe, i found a scrawled paragraph about my dreams. i read it and i was caught off guard by how much has materialized without my even consciously trying. i wanted to cook meals from scratch and to have an art studio with an easel so that i could paint larger paintings, and i have those things now. i’ve gone to more concerts this year than i have in awhile, and my creativity continues to evolve and expand.
coming across this paragraph in an old journal confirmed the ways in which i have been on the right path, as well as pointing out the ways in which i have been blocking other things i deeply want from flowing into my life. i have recently been struggling with the tension between my head and my heart. my head and my heart usually don’t agree on much, and because i am the person that i am, when they conflict, i usually go with what my head wants me to do because it feels safer. and i almost always regret it. so i have been working on shifting from always listening to my head because it feels safer to letting my heart take the lead. it is difficult because it is both vulnerable and scary, and my default response to both of those feelings is to run away, but i keep trying anyway.
it turns out that my tortilla recipe may have been in a journal that seems to have disappeared, but i’m glad i looked anyway.