this year, thanksgiving began early, before the sunrise, when i woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. i lay in bed, cozy under the covers, and watched through the blinds as the sky gradually got lighter and lighter with the sunrise. still in my pajamas and bare feet, i padded to the kitchen, pausing to scratch the kitty’s ears, and began to putter around, wiping down the counter and running warm dishwater. i washed the dishes left in the sink from the day before and rummaged through the kitchen cabinets for ingredients for my favorite homemade coffee creamer. it is fast, easy, and contains simple ingredients that are most likely already in your kitchen. cooking, to me, is a meditative activity that helps me calm my often-anxious brain, and i feel empowered when i learn how to make things i used to buy. i hope that this recipe blesses you in similar ways.
“food is one of the ways we love each other, and the table is one of the most sacred places we gather.”–shauna niequist
chocolate chip cookie creamer
1 can of condensed milk
1 1/2 cups of milk or cream
3 tablespoons cocoa powder
3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
in a small saucepan over medium heat, combine condensed milk, milk or cream, cocoa powder, and brown sugar. whisk vigorously to bring the mixture together as it warms. be patient; it takes a little time to get the cocoa powder to combine with the other ingredients. remove from heat and stir in vanilla extract. strain through a fine mesh sieve to remove any stubborn lumps of cocoa powder. store in the refrigerator in an airtight container. the use-by date is the same as the use-by date on your milk or cream.
what practices feel meditative and empowering to you? i would love to hear in comments.
today i was looking through an old journal, trying to find my tortilla recipe because i’ve decided i want homemade tortillas with lunch, and instead of my tortilla recipe, i found a scrawled paragraph about my dreams. i read it and i was caught off guard by how much has materialized without my even consciously trying. i wanted to cook meals from scratch and to have an art studio with an easel so that i could paint larger paintings, and i have those things now. i’ve gone to more concerts this year than i have in awhile, and my creativity continues to evolve and expand.
coming across this paragraph in an old journal confirmed the ways in which i have been on the right path, as well as pointing out the ways in which i have been blocking other things i deeply want from flowing into my life. i have recently been struggling with the tension between my head and my heart. my head and my heart usually don’t agree on much, and because i am the person that i am, when they conflict, i usually go with what my head wants me to do because it feels safer. and i almost always regret it. so i have been working on shifting from always listening to my head because it feels safer to letting my heart take the lead. it is difficult because it is both vulnerable and scary, and my default response to both of those feelings is to run away, but i keep trying anyway.
it turns out that my tortilla recipe may have been in a journal that seems to have disappeared, but i’m glad i looked anyway.
the other day, one of my mentors invited the women in her current workshop to create a list of five dreams and share them with the group. i wrote the first five things that came into my head, and to be honest, that list was a bit of a combination of a to-do list and a list of dreams, and i ultimately found it uninspiring.
this morning as i was scrolling through facebook, i came across a quote from songwriter leonard cohen which crystallized what was so lackluster about my dream list. although everything on it was something that i deeply want, the language i used didn’t hold the feelings of the dreams.
“there is a blaze of light in every word. it doesn’t matter what you heard: the holy or the broken hallelujah.”–leonard cohen
after i read this quote, i felt this knowing in my heart that i needed to revisit my dream list and put a blaze of light into every word.
the six dreams i am holding close to my heart
- i want to see the sunrise at the grand canyon.
- i want a love that feels like safety inside of deep adoration and intimacy, freedom and being all in.
- i want a thriving, vibrant painting career that brings in at least $5k a month.
- i want to create and nurture a tribe of women who crave communion and deep connection and are at ease with the messiness of vulnerability.
- i want to cultivate and nurture a feeling of fierce faith.
- i want to have an unguarded wide open heart.
which of your dreams blaze with light? let me know in the comments below.